Castle's Dilemma
by bugsandroses
Summary: This story came to me after watching the end of the episode "Under the Gun".  Specifically Rick reaction to Alexis wanting to learn how to drive.


Kate Beckett arrived for work only to find the bullpen totally empty. She checked her watch to see if she was very early but her meeting with the ADA had actually made her ten minutes late. She sat down at her desk in the eerily quiet room. On the desk waiting as usual was the update for all the precincts open cases but where was her team? Shrugging her shoulders, Kate located the pages for her team's open homicide cases. After reading the same paragraph for the third time, Kate gave up and dropped the report back onto her desk. It was just too quiet, she was used to noise and activity all around her: Ryan talking on the phone, Esposito working on his computer, swearing at it and occasionally hitting the poor old thing trying to make it work faster. More often than not, he and Ryan would be discussing or arguing about baseball, football and just about anything else as she tried to read reports or concentrate on the murder board for their current case. Beckett's eyes went to the empty chair beside her desk. Worst of all, there was no Castle sitting beside her. He always talked nonstop, trying to distract her or make Kate roll her eyes at his silliness or spout outlandish theories to make her smile and maybe even laugh.

"Hey, Karpowski! Where the hell is everyone?"

"Ryan went down to pull those old case files from storage and Espo had to transport your snitch back to the Tombs." He started to walk away but then stopped. "Oh yeah, Captain said that Castle won't be in today."

"Did he say why? Is he sick?"

"Him? Nah, he said it was something about his kid."

"What about his daughter? Is Alexis OK?"

The desk sergeant shrugged his shoulders and then lumbered out of the room.

Beckett frowned momentarily but then picked up her report and tried to read again but the quiet and her concern for Alexis made it impossible to concentrate. Thinking some coffee might help, Kate got up to get her own coffee for once. Castle almost always brought it or got it for her. Walking to the break room, she looked at the elaborate and expensive espresso machine Rick donated to the Homicide Division. Smiling at the memory of how at first she refused to drink the "overpriced and pretentious" beverages that came from it just to annoy him. Making a cup of coffee only made the desire to call and check on Castle even stronger. After a few sips of the wonderful brew, she gave in and reached for her cell phone. Flipping it open, Kate looked around quickly and hit her speed dial list. Her dad was number one on the list, Castle was number two. She quickly pressed number two.

"Hello?" Rick sounded odd, distracted and uncharacteristically low key.

"Castle?"

"Beckett? I, ahhhh, left a message with the Captain that I won't be in today."

"Yeah, I got the message. Is Alexis sick or hurt? Do you need anything, any help?"

"No, no, it's nothing like that…..she is fine."

"Castle, you are lying! I can tell….something is wrong."

"Oh, God! She is too young. I am so not ready for this."

Kate's concern kicked up a notch because he sounded close to tears.

"Castle, I am on my way. Whatever it is, I want to help…her." Kate stopped talking and bit her bottom lip. She had nearly said that she wanted to help him, be there for him."

"No Kate, don't, you can't help! I have to figure this out myself….and no, I do not want to talk about it. I have to go now."

Suddenly the line went dead. Stunned, it took a moment for Kate to recover and call him back but the second call went to his voicemail. The concern she felt earlier kicked up several notches. For Rick Castle to say he did not want to talk about anything, well it had to be really bad. Kate tapped the closed phone against her lips. If Alexis wasn't sick or hurt, what was wrong? Her cop's mind quickly jumped to a few options: problems in school, drugs, out of control behavior but the angelic face of Alexis Castle came into her mind and she instantly dismissed all those options. Without a second thought, Kate left the precinct and drove over to Castle's apartment.

Mid-day traffic was crawling along. Bending the rules just a little, Kate used the flashing lights on her car to speed through midtown traffic. She shut the lights off when she got within a block of the loft. Kate nodded to the doorman that guarded the entrance to the secure apartment complex. She rode the elevator to the elegant top floor and knocked quietly on his door. Getting no answer, Kate turned the knob and was surprised to find the door was open.

Pushing open the door slowly, Beckett heard only one voice. She watched an obviously anxious man on the phone, as he wandered around the living room in a pair of well worn jeans and a tee shirt. It was so odd to see Castle without his usual Armani slacks, oxford shirts and well tailored jackets. Totally absorbed in his conversation, Rick never noticed Beckett as he continued to talk and pace around the room. Kate was even more surprised to see that he was barefoot. She had to hold in a giggle when Rick stubbed his toe on the coffee table and started to hop on one leg but he just kept talking.

"I know I don't have to sign it….I've never been good at saying no to women but especially her. Isn't there any other way to get me out of this?" He listened for a moment but then started pacing again. "Don't you think I know how old she is?"

A hundred possibilities came into Kate's mind and none of them were very nice. Maybe he was just having legal problems with one of his ex-wives?

"I have been dreading this day since I got her a Big Wheels when she was five. Hey, is there any state we can move to where the age limit is higher?" Castle listened for a minute and finally stopped pacing. He made a frustrated groan at the person on the phone and then picked up and kicked a cushion from the sofa. It sailed across the room and landed at Kate's feet.

"Thanks a lot, Ben! Remind me again why I pay you an obscene amount of money to be my lawyer? Oh ha, ha, ha! You're a big help." Rick closed the phone and threw it onto the couch in disgust. He turned and walked with his head down towards the study and nearly walked into Beckett.

'Kate! Why are you here?"

"What's going on, Castle?"

He tried to bluff his way out of answering by giving her his best, "who me, I'm innocent" look but Kate just shook her head at him.

"Don't bother Castle; you know that look won't work with me. I know you too well. What is it that you don't want to sign for Alexis?" She tried to grab the paper in his hand but he kept moving it just out of her reach. Getting mad, Kate used one of her favorite kick boxing moves, sweeping his legs, Castle landed on the floor with her sitting on his chest. Yet somehow he managed to land on the paper he had been holding. So unless she wanted to grab his ass, her answer was still out of reach.

"Not that this isn't fun but can we continue this wresting match some other time, Kate? I'm not in the mood just now, I have some other things on my mind…..and it's personal. What? You use that line on me all the time but I can't say it to you? You always tell me it is none of my business but I can't use that excuse on you?"

"Of course you can say it but that has never stopped you from pestering me endlessly for more information. So as they say, Castle, turnabout is fair play. So talk to me, I've got all day, nothing but paperwork waiting on my desk."

Rick reluctantly moved just enough to retrieve the form from under his butt and handed it to Kate. "Fine, here! Now will you please get off me?"

Kate didn't move but took the paper, looked at it and was puzzled. "It's a learner's permit application?"

"Thank you for stating the obvious! Alexis brought that home last night. She wants to start a driver's education class that they offer through school. She came home last night all excited that she can do this with all her friends but I have to sign it."

"So? What's the big deal?" Chuckling she got up from his chest but still held the form out of his reach as he remained laying on the floor.

"It's not funny, Kate! I knew you wouldn't understand. May I have that back now and you can leave once you are finished laughing at me."

"Castle! Hey, I am sorry." Kate reached down to help him up but Rick would not take her hand. Once he got up, he put out his hand to take back the form she was still holding but Kate would not give it back. "I just don't get what the big deal is? Every kid counts down the days until they are 16 and they can get that magic piece of paper. It's like a series of steps towards adulthood, a rite of passage. First you start high school, have your first love and your first dance or prom and then your first heartbreak when you break up, getting the learner's permit eases that pain. Then you take your SAT's, apply and then choose a college and suddenly it's time to graduate." Kate smiled at her happy memories. "It made me feel all grown up learning how to drive, the freedom from my parents…..Wait, is that why you are so upset? Are you afraid that Alexis will start to pull away from you? Or are you afraid that if she gets a little taste of freedom, she will become more like you at that age? A little girls gone wild!" Kate could see how miserable Castle looked; she said that last part to try and make him smile and failed miserably. Somehow teasing him in this situation wasn't as much fun as she thought it would be.

"A little freedom is fine. I trust Alexis…..it's everyone else out there I don't trust, not with my baby!" He took the form back from her. "People in New York, they all drive like maniacs. I don't want her on a scooter, in a car and maybe not even in an armored humvee. My job as a father is to protect Alexis and I have been able to keep her safe until now. I live in a secure building and she goes to the best and safest school in New York City. When she is not there or here, she is with her friends. They all live nearby and I know them all and their parents. Even on the way to and from school she is watched over. Kate, why do you think I have a car and driver? It's not about status, showing off or to spoil her. My driver is ex-military. Mike has been with me almost ten years. His job is to protect Alexis when I'm not there."

He began to pace again and kept running his hand through his hair which made it a little messy and very cute. Kate hated to do it but she stood in front of him which made him stop. "Protect her from who or what? Castle, stop, sit down, take a deep breath and talk to me. Have you gotten any threats?"

Rick grabbed her hand and pulled her down to sit beside him on the couch. "You know I moved back to New York after Meredith….after my first marriage fell apart. I took Alexis from LA and just left. My mother's last husband had just left her too. Soon after she realized that he spent or had taken most of her money. We got a small place, just the three of us. That's when I legally changed my name to hide out from Meredith's lawyers. I did some free lance writing and Mother did some television work. It was a struggle to make ends meet until my first book got onto the best sellers list. As it slowly went to number one, my whole life changed. I had more money than I'd ever dreamed of and the pick of the best places to live. I was being asked to all the best parties and the women…"

"Don't gloat! I really don't want to hear this, Castle!"

"Kate I am not gloating. I realized very quickly most of those women didn't care about me and they were definitely not fond of my daughter. They expected gifts, favors and the spotlight, wanting to be taken to openings and press events. All that crap about me being a ladies man was my publisher's idea. In the beginning it was kind of fun, until I made the mistake of bringing some of the women home to meet Alexis. They generally ignored her or they just wanted to get rid of her." Kate looked surprised and then puzzled.

"Look, I'm not complaining but fame does have its downside, Kate. The reporters or film crew that follow you day and night, the websites that dissect your every action and comment and let's not forget the fans that call or show up at all hours of the day or night...plus my fan mail. I've gotten propositioned by lots of women and a few men, some really kinky stuff. People send me love letters, gifts, hate mail, story re-writes and some really bizarre story ideas. A few men claimed to be my father, old lovers and of course the greedy ones that want to sue me because they say I stole their story ideas or plots. The worst are the crazy ones that threaten Alexis or my mother…."

"And you! Don't forget, I've read some of your fan mail."

"I can take care of myself but if someone kidnapped, hurt or killed my little girl or my mother, I would gladly spend my last dime to hunt him or her down and then I would kill them with my bare hands."

Kate was stunned into silence by his comment. She had never thought about how being a celebrity makes you and your family a target. Several questions Kate always wanted to ask now had an answer. "So that is why you changed the dust covers on all your books. They no longer have any personal information on them; just your picture and a list of your other books. I used to wonder why you have a publicist to handle all your fan mail and how you got a phone number so private, even the NYPD can't get it."

"I got this place to try and give Alexis a normal childhood or at least as normal as possible. God knows, I never had one. Moving from city to city as my mother's plays opened and closed wasn't a lot of fun. Nor were the endless cast of "father figures" my mother dated or married as I grew up. I did not want that for my daughter. Stuck with Meredith as a mother and me as a father, how Alexis ever turned out as normal, wonderful and mature as she is…well, it's a mystery I'll never solve."

"So when she gets her learner's permit and then her driver's license, you're afraid that she will want to go out driving with her friends, leaving her unprotected."

"I know she is almost an adult and will be leaving for college soon but it was so much easier to protect her when she was younger. Maybe I am over-reacting but she is my baby and always will be. Alexis is the best thing I have created in my life." Rick got up again and walked to get his bottle of water. "It's not just the crazies and killers I fear. I've seen and heard so many stories where a carfull of teenagers are hurt badly or killed in a crash. They loose control of the car because they are distracted or speeding and plow into a tree or a building. A drunk driver passes out at the wheel…..If I ever lost her…"

Lost in his unhappy thoughts, Kate knew that Rick Castle, the man she knew and cared for would not survive the loss of his little girl. Beckett did not want to even imagine the angry or depressed shell of a man that would replace the kind, sweet, gentle and often silly man that she knew. Kate had first hand knowledge of what happened to a man when he lost the person he loved the most. She watched as her dad lost his job and slowly drown himself and his sorrows in alcohol after her mother was killed. Castle adored Alexis; he would die or at least want to die if she was ever taken from him. She knew he would not, could not write ever again. Castle would pull away from everything and everyone else in his life until he shriveled up and died…or worse he might turn to drugs or booze to dull the pain. She did not want to think about that Rick Castle. Determined to help him, Kate got off the couch and found him in his study staring at the form in his hand.

"Rick, I do understand your concerns and how much you love Alexis. A learner's permit means she has to drive with an adult in the car. You, me and your driver Mike, we can make sure she learns how to drive well and keep her safe. Take her up to the Hamptons and let her practice up there for now where she will be safe."

"What about when she eventually gets her license."

"You have a car and driver in the city. You leave your cars in the Hamptons. It's what she knows. Mike has always driven her around the city, to school and when she goes shopping. That is not going to change and I'm sure she realizes it. There is no parking in this building or really anywhere near here. Besides if you would not buy her a scooter, I don't think she will expect you to get her a car. Castle you also have to understand that she is not a little girl anymore. I think you need to sit her down and explain all that you have done in the past to protect her and your concerns as she becomes more independent. As you said, she will be leaving for college within a year or so. You and Mike can't be with her then."

"I know, I know but I don't want her scared, to be always looking over her shoulder and jumping at every sound or shadow. I want her to have fun in college like I did….well, maybe not that much fun. Did I ever tell you about the time….No, I can't tell you that story, you are a cop!"

"Trust me Castle; I have seen your wrap sheet. I know you have been a very bad boy in the past."

"The offer to spank me is still open, Kate."

"Don't tempt me! Now sign the damn form and let's get back to work."

Rick signed the form with a flourish then he walked over to Kate and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you, Kate. Since you offered to help teach my Alexis how to drive, that means you'll have to come up to the Hamptons for a some weekends. Let me run upstairs and change, there is a calendar on my desk. Any weekend except Halloween is good for me. I'm having a costume party here that night, I always do. You and the gang are invited, of course. Alexis wanted a "Star Wars" theme this year. Kate, would make a stunning Princess Leia, especially in that harem girl outfit she wore in Return of the Jedi."

"Let me guess, you are going as Chewbacca."

"Oh ha, ha! No, I'll be Han Solo…..so we get to kiss."

"I'd rather kiss a wookie. I figured you for Luke Skywalker, with your Jedi mind skills."

"But then we would be brother and sister…..what fun is that?"

"Believe me Rick, you have no idea just how much fun it would be. Now close your mouth, get changed and be downstairs in five minutes or I am leaving without you."


End file.
